sheer

i like the idea of sheer. but dirty sheer with touches of color created by beads or embroidery.  especially nipple coverage sheer. man that takes dirty sheer to a whole 'nother level! (take note that many of these are from the 90s, elegant grunge.)

images from middle:  prada, spring 1997, exposed black bra, neon beaded, lace valentino s/s '12, beaded 1924 via the met)

now to satisfy your sheer craving--pleated white strapless tunic, tights--a given, holy cute blue stripe skirt, black sheer duh..and if need by go to your local craft store and dance through the aisles wrapped in tulle.

italian old style

indicative of how my september is fairing. also so eloquently put by my les lover bee, but paired with an equally elegant and eloquent typeface.

"cerise"

the title has nothing to do with this post. it just so happens to be the word of the day on dictionary.com.

a couple nights ago adam and i were hunkering down like we normally do before bed--fluffing pillows, grabbing books, finding the remote, and shoving huxley out of our way (he likes to sleep on the pillows aka my head) we turned on the tv to channel 42 which is the only channel that plays family guy reruns around 10 or 11 pm. it was that episode where peter does that news segment called, "you know what really grinds my gears?"

(side note: i just found a day old raisinet under my keyboard...sad? maybe. delightful? yes.)

anyway, so i started thinking about what really grinds my gears while i was falling asleep. i couldn't fall asleep because i was thinking about all the things that really irritate me so i thought i would write a grievances/pessimistic post. in bullet point form, naturally:

- political campaigning on facebook: this may be a little overdone, i think most people find it annoying when others post their political opinions on social media. but it's not just posting your opinions, it's making broad general careless statements accompanied by an equally dumb "funny" photo that really irks me. do your research and post less about boring politics and post more pictures of your cute baby niece or a labradoodle puppy or you and your sun-baked friends at the club.

- the mall: since when did going to the mall become a chore in which i dread? i want a pair of sneakers, but i must go park in the outskirts of the parking lot, travel through a crowd of shrieking children, maneuver an obstacle of teenagers wearing too much cologne or perfume, weave my way around a nordstrom trying to find an escalator, find a shoe store that doesn't have my size, back track and leave the lairs of satan empty-handed. once i had a panic attack in the mall so i made adam sit down with me at a max and erma's while i ate a cheeseburger.

- train the band: i thought they died along with the early 2000's? and if they could take the rest of the billboard's top100 with them that would be great too. thanks. 

- bums: i can't walk down two blocks in norfolk without being heckled or sniffed at by a guy pushing a shopping cart. come ON. i'm just trying to walk my dog and he doesn't know that all you want are 50 cents or a cigarette. actually, he would probably find great enjoyment in licking the nasty grime off your fingers and face. gross.

- conspiracy theories: shut-up. just stop. i felt ill after reading this article that my friend seth posted on his twitter today. the fact that they're under 16 says one thing, but of course your 140 character opinion posted on a transient form of media outweighs the years of research of several departments in the government (not to mention hundreds of years in history). 

- bad attitudes: it doesn't make things easier. in fact, you're just making it worse for the rest of us.

- chris brown: if you can't agree with me here then you should probably stop reading.

- social networking etiquette: or really, lack thereof. example: on instagram, don't post 5 pictures in a row of you in traffic. i can tell. it started with the coffee you drank this morning, to the bagel in your hand, to the view outside your window, to the snapshot of the song you're listening to, and the self-portrait of you without a seat belt tagged #fashion #curls #instababe.  eyes on the road please.

also, please keep your intimate relationships private. i think it's great that you're in love and have possibly found your soul mate, but after the third picture of your hands interlocked and your kissy-fish face next to his "funny" face or the thoughtful thing he did...it makes me want to punch a fat baby. don't you want to share those moments between the two of you? instead of statuses and tweets that you think validate your relationship, it just makes me wonder what you're trying to hide.

- reduced fat oreos: are you insane? these taste nothing remotely close to an oreo. get out of here nabisco.


- unnecessary curse words: in work and especially on public forums (i.e. facebook, twitter, etc). it's not classy.

- professional sport seasons: for christ's sake, does your bathroom need to be painted maroon and gold? your allegiance to the redskins doesn't mean anything to me while i take a crap in your bathroom; what i really want to know is where you keep the reader's digests. you don't need to post scores either, or yell across the work parking lot about how much the other guy's team sucks...we all know...it's been trampling my newsfeed since monday night football, and it's thursday.

i'm sure this list could go on. and after re-reading my post i realized more than half of them had to do with social media, so...good thing my job is handling and coordinating social media accounts for my company :) feel free to spew more hate in the comments. xx

two hundred

Music was streaming out the speakers, "we're just killing time all over this place," and I ran my finger across the dashboard picking up dust and memories on to my finger. If I took a closer look I could probably see a flashback to five years ago; someone else would be in the passenger seat with her legs propped up, windows open, hair blowing, and suntan lotion fingerprints smudged on the window. He would glance over with a wistful smile wondering what happens after this and watches while she pulls her hair up into a ponytail.

......................................................................................

Everything in morning seems so innocent.  The group of men shuffling down the sidewalk, weathered by the summer sun, laughing and joking about adventures long forgotten, or the kid on the skateboard whizzing past with his headphone speakers blaring and a binder tucked under his arm thinking about his first week at school. I make eye contact with a lady holding a shopping bag, her eyes quickly look away, but I can tell she was amused by Huxley nipping at my ankles and chasing after the beetle that scurries across the pavement.

Fast forward nine hours and the street lamp lights are flickering over the U-haul parking lot casting shadows that imitate monsters I remember under my bed. It just stopped raining, but the air is so thick I can feel it wrap around my body like a heavy blanket.  I hear a shout from the distance and I tighten the leash around my wrist and a breeze picks up catching the little hairs on my arms. I smell trash and oil, and I can see a dark figure hustling down the street carrying a box or garbage bag.  He drops something metal and it clatters on the cement, his head turns to my direction and I quickly duck my head and walk the other way.  The night is not so innocent.  

It reminds me of the changing seasons or the shift in someone's character. It is so black and white, but blends unnoticeable in the shades of grey.  I miss the mornings where I had faith in humanity and no one scoffed at the notion of a person being good.  Now I must place my head in the darkness waiting for the worst, and when it doesn't happen and everything is fine, people move on.  But me, I hold on to that light, cupping it in my hands watching it glow until it slowly burns out.

photos by lucie & simon

and with money to spare and with nights at the end

i thought i would update you on how my summer has been. on a scale from 1 - 10 (10 being awesome) it's at a 8.75, that's pretty fair.  i did several things that happened on the regular and some that were the only events documented on my phone:

i had many puppy kisses and heard a lot of adam giggles.  i think i was in bed for at least 65% of the summer, basically doing nothing but rolling around in my bleach-stained sweatpants eating nutella out of the jar. i think we can also add that to my "favorite activities list" if i ever make one of those lists.

we went to the beach. a lot. we slathered on that spf 30, grabbed our chairs, 6-pack of budweiser, and a trashy magazine and headed out the door every weekend.  i think someone said we were "beach bums"? sure, if relaxing for 3+ hours while listening to ryan adams on your music bullet, sipping a frosty beverage and inspecting the creatures that walk up and down the shore is being a "beach bum," then add that to my google+ profile. i will flaunt my beach bum-ness all day long!

uh, we hung out in bed a lot. pretty sure this was after a marathon of "friday night lights" where we continued to speak like tim riggins and lyla garrity for at least 3 solid weeks post season.  my stomach still drops every time i think i won't get to see coach taylor give another locker room lecture in dillon texas. (side note: we also browsed a lot of internet memes whilst in bed--top 10 favorite activities list as well.)

frands visited! and every time a friend visits we have a "fat-kid-tour-of-norfolk."
this consists of hitting up our favorite places to eat:
- cogans
- no frill
- twest
- skinny dip
- ten top
(when britt and adam visited we added kelly's tavern, might i add that kelly's has spectacular fried potatoes AND they give you ranch without even asking. wtf!)

i went to the norfolk zoo and it was awesome. i will compare it to the san antonio zoo, which if you have not been to and you live there, go, it's fab. i got to frolic in my natural environment, as seen in the below picture. and don't confuse it with a rabies outbreak, that is just me in a state of pure excitement.

july 4th was cool because i could find a reason to wear/buy these sunglasses. that is all.

i went to new york! twice, and i will going again in september. this most recent adventure was filled with outdoor concerts, sketchy encounters, polish feasts, and smelly bus rides. we went to an after party where my skirt became the floor mop and several doughy hipsters gave us the evil eye. me no care! my budweiser was $4 and i got to dance to swedish band little dragon at this asbestos covered bar.

and don't forget the star of this blog, huxley bear. he turned one year old and he's not even showing any wrinkles. what a honey boo boo child.

(source: my instagram (follow me @helensta), anders sexcellent photo skills (@larssonanders), and seth's long arm (@seff86).

anxiety

My head lowered to the cement ground, and my newly cut bangs fell in front of my face.  I brushed them away and allowed my eyes to dart back and forth catching glimpses of metallic rocks embedded in the pavement.  I let them go from the end of the parking space all the way to the handicap sign painted in front of my feet.  For some reason I thought I could decode a message the shapes in the ground were making--the oil splatter to the left, leading to the cigarette butts on the right.  They were saying, "Let your mind race, but your body move slow."

My body answered back with the slowest moving limbs.  I could feel a lazy mass creep from my fingertips to my shoulders.  It traveled up the bones in my neck to the base of my skull. I let it slide over my brain, sending signals to my eyelids and I could feel each one of them shut over my eyes. 

I thought about how lucky I am and how sad I felt sometimes. I could feel my legs sensing the confusion, and I could hear my heart warning me about what may lie ahead.  And I felt pure happiness yesterday afternoon sitting in my car, but I couldn't tell if it was from the warmth of the seat belt that fit snug across my lap or the anticipation of holding hands with my best friend.  I let myself believe it was both.  It all felt so right that I kept double-looking both ways when I crossed the street; it was in fear that it could be easily taken away from me.

No one ever tells you about the anxiety that follows the feeling of happiness.