beauty is...well...absolutely nothing.

so...i thought i would do a beauty post, not like i'm an expert or anything, but i do get questions from friends etc. and i've also been on a skincare / makeup / hair craze, basically browsing through celebrity's favorite products and reading blogger's tips. below is the crummiest photo of my basics, i apologize for the terrible quality, but my dslr died...and i didn't think my inspiration would last more than 5 hours it takes to fully charge my battery. berp.

left to right (top): Boots Organic Face Nourishing Cleanser, Dr. Lewinn by Kinerase Wrinkle Repair Daily Lotion SPF 30, Make Up Forever HD Primer, Make Up Forever HD Invisible Foundation, Make Up Forever HD Microfinish Powder, Maybelline Define-A-Lash, Physicians Formula Translucent Powder with SPF
Laura Mercier Secret Camouflage, Clinque Shadow Kit, and Maybelline Eyeshadow in Natural Smoke

so i stopped "washing" my face. with water. it sounds gross, but i read up on it a whole bunch (and Garance Dore swears by it) so i bought a cheap facial cleanser before i committed to the real deal.  the Boots Botanics is a great line, one downfall is it says "80% Organic" like wtf? don't waste my time with only 80%, why bother even advertising it this way? i think i'm going to splurge and purchase the nude cleansing oil since it gets better reviews.  i guess the idea is, if you have oily skin, it really means you have super dry skin because it has to make up for the loss of oil(sounds philosophical almost) and so if you start "cleaning" your skin WITH oil, it should balance out, and you will have a gwenyth-paltrow-i-eat-omega 3's-and-use-liquid-diamonds-on-my-face-because-i-am-an-a-list-star-with-money-throw-away glow.  sometimes if i get a little acne-ey, i use the walmart brand of proactive like once a week, exactly the same thing but $50 cheaper. seriously.

i just started using an spf moisurizer, and voila! i found the perfect anti-aging, spf, light-weight moisturizer ever! for reals guys, i hate hate hate wearing moisturizer, even if they say it's "light-weight" i can still feel that shit on my face, and my skin is pretty sensitive and i get these little fat bubbles on my t-zone. not cute.  ps, i hate spf even more because it smells. so i found the nectar of the face gods in this little bottle you can get at your local walgreens. (legit brand since it's kinerase too, don't hate.)

after that i put on this primer by makeup forever, not sure exactly what primer did until i left it off yesterday. mega mega sticky factor. i thought by putting more stuff on my face it would get all greasy and what not so i skipped it yesterday morning, by the afternoon i just felt gross. whatever it does, just stick with it. plus, i can't even tell it's on, it just makes my skin feel hella smoother.

next i use a little bit of the laura mercier concealer, and I SWEAR BY THIS SHIT. a dab on my redness and under my eyes and perfecto! listen, if katy perry, eva mendez, and other endless celebs use this, i'm gonna use it. okay. really, i could just end my routine here and sweep on some setting powder and prance out the door, but then i look like a twelve year old so i'll keep going.  i add the smallest smallest ittiest bit of foundation to my face, just in case i get stopped and have my photo taken, i can breathe a sigh of relief because i have my expensive HD makeup game face on. i used to not use ANY foundation, none, zero, but this stuff, you can barely see it, but still see it...make sense? it just evens out my skin tone and provides a matte-silky-soft finish.  (<--check out all those makeup adjectives)

then i sweep on the microfinish powder, aka dust from the angels, and my face is done. as long as this process may  sound, it takes only 5 minutes. tops.  then i use some dark brown shadow on the outer corners of my eyes, and shimmer on the inner corner, use the cheapest blush i can find, put on massive layers of mascara and i'm good to go. **oh important important side-note, EYEBROWS, fill em in puhleeaase, it does wonders for your face. i use the same dark brown shadow and use a lip-liner brush (yes, lip liner, it's from highschool and i will never ever get rid of it).

that physicians formula powder i keep in my purse just to apply half-way through the day, and it has SPF. score.

the most important thing (i think) when it comes to looking put together, but natural, is the right cleanser, moisturizer, and concealer/foundation combo.  your skin should glow, it shouldn't look like it has 10 layers of make up on it, nor should it look all flat like a bag of flour cause you put so much powder on it. if you have freckles, show them, if you have under-eye bags...well i'm sorry..that is genetic.

and, as cheezy as this sounds, a smile really does make anyone look twenty times better. drink LOTS of water, and pray to god you have asian somewhere on your side of the family.



i had a very eerie dream last night. it sort of of shook up my whole day and thought process.  i dreamt that i was stuck in this time warp (or maybe more so groundhog-hog-day-esque cycle) where adam was killed, and then i forced myself to die, and then eventually after a couple times of this morbid process, we figured out a way to stay together by continuing this pattern.  we'd alter it a little bit every time, gaining realization that this was the only way we could be together. the amount of time it would take to understand that this was a situtation already repeated would become shorter, and the brief moments we knew we only had would be incredibly happy and fulfilling. i remember how unbearable of a feeling it was to think i would never see him again, or be with him again. i broke me so much that i wanted to die. i remember seeing his death in a slow excruciating capsule of time, packed with the biggest punch i've ever felt. and then when i died, i had never felt so much pain and relief simultaneously.  what's even more strange is i knew i was dreaming the whole time, and eventually after the many cycles of life-death-life-death and experiencing that temporary time with someone between the alpha and omega, i was happy? can you be lucidly lucid?

once you have a finite understanding of time and how real it can be or end, the world around becomes more arbitrary and the people you want to spend it with becomes this vital force that is so pure in existence it's impossible to explain. the dream upset me, but i am also strangely grateful for it.

"I am beside myself, peering down,
senselessly, since, for us, in space, there is
neither above nor below; and thus the expression
“He is being nibbled to death by ducks” shines
with such style, such poise, and reserve,
a beautiful, puissant form and a lucid thought."