"cerise"

the title has nothing to do with this post. it just so happens to be the word of the day on dictionary.com.

a couple nights ago adam and i were hunkering down like we normally do before bed--fluffing pillows, grabbing books, finding the remote, and shoving huxley out of our way (he likes to sleep on the pillows aka my head) we turned on the tv to channel 42 which is the only channel that plays family guy reruns around 10 or 11 pm. it was that episode where peter does that news segment called, "you know what really grinds my gears?"

(side note: i just found a day old raisinet under my keyboard...sad? maybe. delightful? yes.)

anyway, so i started thinking about what really grinds my gears while i was falling asleep. i couldn't fall asleep because i was thinking about all the things that really irritate me so i thought i would write a grievances/pessimistic post. in bullet point form, naturally:

- political campaigning on facebook: this may be a little overdone, i think most people find it annoying when others post their political opinions on social media. but it's not just posting your opinions, it's making broad general careless statements accompanied by an equally dumb "funny" photo that really irks me. do your research and post less about boring politics and post more pictures of your cute baby niece or a labradoodle puppy or you and your sun-baked friends at the club.

- the mall: since when did going to the mall become a chore in which i dread? i want a pair of sneakers, but i must go park in the outskirts of the parking lot, travel through a crowd of shrieking children, maneuver an obstacle of teenagers wearing too much cologne or perfume, weave my way around a nordstrom trying to find an escalator, find a shoe store that doesn't have my size, back track and leave the lairs of satan empty-handed. once i had a panic attack in the mall so i made adam sit down with me at a max and erma's while i ate a cheeseburger.

- train the band: i thought they died along with the early 2000's? and if they could take the rest of the billboard's top100 with them that would be great too. thanks. 

- bums: i can't walk down two blocks in norfolk without being heckled or sniffed at by a guy pushing a shopping cart. come ON. i'm just trying to walk my dog and he doesn't know that all you want are 50 cents or a cigarette. actually, he would probably find great enjoyment in licking the nasty grime off your fingers and face. gross.

- conspiracy theories: shut-up. just stop. i felt ill after reading this article that my friend seth posted on his twitter today. the fact that they're under 16 says one thing, but of course your 140 character opinion posted on a transient form of media outweighs the years of research of several departments in the government (not to mention hundreds of years in history). 

- bad attitudes: it doesn't make things easier. in fact, you're just making it worse for the rest of us.

- chris brown: if you can't agree with me here then you should probably stop reading.

- social networking etiquette: or really, lack thereof. example: on instagram, don't post 5 pictures in a row of you in traffic. i can tell. it started with the coffee you drank this morning, to the bagel in your hand, to the view outside your window, to the snapshot of the song you're listening to, and the self-portrait of you without a seat belt tagged #fashion #curls #instababe.  eyes on the road please.

also, please keep your intimate relationships private. i think it's great that you're in love and have possibly found your soul mate, but after the third picture of your hands interlocked and your kissy-fish face next to his "funny" face or the thoughtful thing he did...it makes me want to punch a fat baby. don't you want to share those moments between the two of you? instead of statuses and tweets that you think validate your relationship, it just makes me wonder what you're trying to hide.

- reduced fat oreos: are you insane? these taste nothing remotely close to an oreo. get out of here nabisco.


- unnecessary curse words: in work and especially on public forums (i.e. facebook, twitter, etc). it's not classy.

- professional sport seasons: for christ's sake, does your bathroom need to be painted maroon and gold? your allegiance to the redskins doesn't mean anything to me while i take a crap in your bathroom; what i really want to know is where you keep the reader's digests. you don't need to post scores either, or yell across the work parking lot about how much the other guy's team sucks...we all know...it's been trampling my newsfeed since monday night football, and it's thursday.

i'm sure this list could go on. and after re-reading my post i realized more than half of them had to do with social media, so...good thing my job is handling and coordinating social media accounts for my company :) feel free to spew more hate in the comments. xx